Tuesday 3 December 2013
Never use the word "No"to your child again.
Have you ever felt like all you say is "No no no no.... no you can't have that candy stick No you can't watch cartoons. No you can't have the ipad. No running. No shouting... No scribbling"
Well your not alone. One of the most common mistakes parents make is over using the word no. I hear patents doing it all the time - with no results! Our children are constantly hearing us use this word to no avail, with no real consequence. The result is ... That they just don't take that word seriously enough and you just sound like 'mom nagging'.
I never wanted to be THAT mom, the mom that was dragging her child across the super market floor because they were having a fit because I said " no" to that hundredth spider man toy. But I didn't have to be... I never said "no". I'm not suggesting that my child didn't play up at times. Of course shes 4 she has tested my patience! However with the tips I'm about to give you. . Your childs negative behaviours will last for shorter bursts of time and you'll see the frequency miraculously decrease.
We call this positive reinforcement! I'm sure you have all heard this psychological term before but what does it mean exactly!!? Over the next few blog posts il aim to give you hands on tips on how to use positive reinforcement in the way you engage with your child.
You can use this for teaching ( home work) dealing with problem behaviours, encouraging new behaviours ( eg new foods) and even developing your child social skills.
Top 3 tips.
1. Use the positive form of the "no" you are trying to impose. I.E "walk nicely" as opposed to "no running."
"Sit on your bottoms please" rather than "Noo jumping. "
"Talk quietly" or "nice voices" as opposed to "no shouting."
"Write neatly/ colour within the lines" as opposed to "no scribbling"
By doing this, your child is learning how to behave appropriately, and will pay more attention to what you are saying than merely hearing a "No" command that they are more likely to ignore.
2. Give a choice.
Instead of just rolling out the "no more sweets" or " no your not allowed" its suggested that children deal better with choices. This is a learning opportunity whereby they can assess a more positive alternative.
Children are asking for something because they feel the need to fill some kind of void at that moment. Whether it's a sugar rush or they are bored. How about asking them if they would rather have Apple sticks or chewy fruit bars instead of saying "No more sweets". And instead of saying "No more ipad" , "how about we get your colours out and you draw me a picture." This way your child feels like they still have an element of control and you won't get the spike in a tantrum right there and then. If you're child is still not interested then it doesn't mean you have to give in. You are maintaining the concept of "no" but the child is hearing a positive attitude which will maintain more positive behaviour now and in the future. So you can simply respond "mummy would prefer it if you chose to have Apple sticks or your favourite chewy bar". Tantrums are inevitable at times- but don't give into the "NO"
3. Calm yourself and assess the situation.
Rather than dishing out the "no's", really consider why you are saying "no"? We say it so often that we don't even have a real good enough reason sometimes. Is it so bad that your child just wants a little jump on the bed or is having one extra treat? Really ask yourself if there is a real reason why you want to say "no".
Incorporate these tips into how you interact with your child and not only will you get a better behaved child but you'll definatly feel like a better parent.
