Tuesday 3 December 2013
Never use the word "No"to your child again.
Have you ever felt like all you say is "No no no no.... no you can't have that candy stick No you can't watch cartoons. No you can't have the ipad. No running. No shouting... No scribbling"
Well your not alone. One of the most common mistakes parents make is over using the word no. I hear patents doing it all the time - with no results! Our children are constantly hearing us use this word to no avail, with no real consequence. The result is ... That they just don't take that word seriously enough and you just sound like 'mom nagging'.
I never wanted to be THAT mom, the mom that was dragging her child across the super market floor because they were having a fit because I said " no" to that hundredth spider man toy. But I didn't have to be... I never said "no". I'm not suggesting that my child didn't play up at times. Of course shes 4 she has tested my patience! However with the tips I'm about to give you. . Your childs negative behaviours will last for shorter bursts of time and you'll see the frequency miraculously decrease.
We call this positive reinforcement! I'm sure you have all heard this psychological term before but what does it mean exactly!!? Over the next few blog posts il aim to give you hands on tips on how to use positive reinforcement in the way you engage with your child.
You can use this for teaching ( home work) dealing with problem behaviours, encouraging new behaviours ( eg new foods) and even developing your child social skills.
Top 3 tips.
1. Use the positive form of the "no" you are trying to impose. I.E "walk nicely" as opposed to "no running."
"Sit on your bottoms please" rather than "Noo jumping. "
"Talk quietly" or "nice voices" as opposed to "no shouting."
"Write neatly/ colour within the lines" as opposed to "no scribbling"
By doing this, your child is learning how to behave appropriately, and will pay more attention to what you are saying than merely hearing a "No" command that they are more likely to ignore.
2. Give a choice.
Instead of just rolling out the "no more sweets" or " no your not allowed" its suggested that children deal better with choices. This is a learning opportunity whereby they can assess a more positive alternative.
Children are asking for something because they feel the need to fill some kind of void at that moment. Whether it's a sugar rush or they are bored. How about asking them if they would rather have Apple sticks or chewy fruit bars instead of saying "No more sweets". And instead of saying "No more ipad" , "how about we get your colours out and you draw me a picture." This way your child feels like they still have an element of control and you won't get the spike in a tantrum right there and then. If you're child is still not interested then it doesn't mean you have to give in. You are maintaining the concept of "no" but the child is hearing a positive attitude which will maintain more positive behaviour now and in the future. So you can simply respond "mummy would prefer it if you chose to have Apple sticks or your favourite chewy bar". Tantrums are inevitable at times- but don't give into the "NO"
3. Calm yourself and assess the situation.
Rather than dishing out the "no's", really consider why you are saying "no"? We say it so often that we don't even have a real good enough reason sometimes. Is it so bad that your child just wants a little jump on the bed or is having one extra treat? Really ask yourself if there is a real reason why you want to say "no".
Incorporate these tips into how you interact with your child and not only will you get a better behaved child but you'll definatly feel like a better parent.
Monday 18 November 2013
The death of living in the here and now. IPAD and smart phones.
Human interaction as we all know has changed dramatically over the last few years and continues to do so every time a new piece of technology is created. But how do we maintain and ensure that we are fulfilling our most basic and primal needs?
Our kids observe how we communicate and they learn and imitate us. Even without really intending to, we teach our kids the art of communication.
We stare at our screens for so much of day it's shocking. We all see couples at dinner not taking but looking at their screens. Friends out together-but having conversions that have awkward pauses and unnatural breaks in conversations, whilst they are simultaneously having 5 other conversations with people who are not physically present
. All the whilst those people breaking conversations with the people they are actually with! Ok this is confusing! !
What about being available 24 hours a day. I know I usually see my messages usually withing 10 minutes of receiving one. But sometimes quicker... We have whatsapp groups where people respond within seconds. Think about it. What are we all doing at that precise moment.? having a conversation with mum, kids, eating dinner making dinner. ... At the beach ... At the supermarket. .. Some might say it's a good thing being available and communicating 24 hours a day. But I think this is halting life in some way... The way it was supposed to be lived. The essense of each of those activities is some how lost whilst looking at the screen!
Technology is only going to get more advanced and like everyone else I too cannot live without my smart phone. But I do have to consciously put it down full stop.
Monday 21 October 2013
first time blogger
I'v wanted to do this for so long, I have sooo much to share. Im in a unique position in my life, being a 26 year old mother of two... im exposed to so many different social experiences at one time!
I'm part of the whole mommy charade at school pick ups drop offs and mommy meetings, trying to maintain a sense of individuality and living in my 20's era through going out with work colleagues and friends... and....being a wifey.
As an Artist, Psychologist, Mother and wife look forward to a verrrry diverse experience of woman in the city!
Staying up late trying to get my new online venture off the ground...kids and hubby are in bed. maybe I should try and get a few winks before the little one is up for her feed!